Landmark Golf

I was playing golf at Reston National about two months ago with Arun, a friend of mine. We got paired up with two other guys. We were playing #13 or #14). It's a dog leg left. At the corner, there's a huge sand trap and then trees (they don't want you to hit your ball there). One of the other guys said "The shot on this hole is over the trap. You'll be right in front of the green". So I said, "Ok, I'm going to create this shot". I described exactly how the shot would go to the other guys:

"I'm going to hit the bill right over the trap, and it's going to land right in front of the green. I'm going to keep my eye on the ball. I'm going to swing the club with my body (not my arms)". I'm going to swing the club with velocity, but not too hard and I'm going to follow through." So I lined up and hit the ball straight into the woods. I put another ball down and created the shot again and it did exactly what I said. Then the other three guys did exactly the same thing... (have you seen Tin Cup? - great movie)

Joe

Finding Milk for Steven

Finding Milk for Steven

After taking my Landmark Advanced Course, one of my fellow course mates suggested that a downtown festival would be fun. Since I'm the possibility of fun, that seemed like a great idea. I took my son Steven (four) to the street fair that was about eight blocks long and full of fun folks, music, rides and booths.

They had kid rides so he had a good time riding. After a few rides we went walking through the crowds and stopped at the Pizza Hut booth and we each had a piece of pizza. When we finished, Steven looked up and said "Dad, can I have some milk?". I said "Sure, let's go find some milk". We went to a few booths and finally found one that had hot chocolate. I thought, "This is great, he loves hot chocolate". I asked, "How about some hot chocolate?” He said, "No, I want milk". I was shocked.

Next, we stopped at a Thai restaurant. I asked "Do you have any milk?". The bartender said no. Apparently, Thai restaurants don't have much need for milk...

So, we continued walking down the street and we come up to the police mobile command post. There were about ten police officers standing around, so I walked up to one and told Steven "Say hi to the police man. If you get lost, find a police man"... I started talking to the officer and he was a really nice guy. I said, "It would really make Steven's day to see the inside of the command post. He loves police and fire stuff". The officer said "Sure, no problem". He took us inside and started showing us around.

They had a little conference room in the back with a very cool electronic whiteboard. He gave Steven an electronic marker and said, "Here, have fun". Steven had a great time writing his name "Dash Parr" (from the Incredibles movie) and even wrote his real name (Steven) a few times. While he was writing, the officer showed me around and we had a great chat. It turns out both of them were from my hometown, Pittsburgh.

After a while, we started moving toward the door. Steven and I thanked them for a great time. As we were walking out the door, Steven pointed at the sink and said "Dad, can I have some of that milk?". There was a gallon of milk in the sink right next to the door... I was sort of embarrassed to ask, but the officers proceeded to give him a tall milk in a very cool insulated foam coffee cup with a sippie lid that he loved (and a bag of M&Ms to boot!).

Steven got his milk. I got an invaluable lesson.

Part 2: I Don't Need You (or "How to Screw Up Your Kid")

I Don't Need You (or "How to Screw Up Your Kid")

Part two in a series of things I learned at http://landmarkeducation.com. I learned that I've been living my life like "I don't need you". I've been very capable and independent and didn't have very deep relationships...

A few days after I learned to have fun with Steven. I was sitting the basement working on the computer at 7am again and Steven came down. He said, "Hi Dad". I immediately turned around and had a little fun with him. Later, I was upstairs talking to my wife and Steven was sitting next to her. I was telling her that I learned in my weekend that I have spent my life living like "I don't need you". We talked for a while and
I said to my wife, "I was living like I don't need you... I don't need him...".
Steven stopped me and said, "but you love me, right Dad?".
I said "Of couse I love you, Steven. Mom and I were just talking about something else, not you".

I realized I almost messed up my son at that moment. He could have taken that in and not said anything and carried it around for the next 40 years... In this moment I learned that what we say is very powerful. We create things with our words.

Part 1: Having Fun with Steven

Having Fun with Steven

I took a course at Landmark Education last week. The course helped me realize that I haven't been having real, close relationships with anybody including my 4-year-old son Steven.

The Monday morning after the course, I was downstairs sitting at my computer at 7am working sharing email with friends what a good time I had in the course. Steven came down and said, "Hi Dad!". I said, "Hi Steven" and I kept on working without looking at him. Then I realized he wanted to be with me. I turned around and saw he had a ninja turtle toy in his hand. Here's how it went:Me: "What do you have there?". Steven: "It's my ninja turtle". Me: "What does he do?". Steven: "He fights bad guys" (a little more excited).Me: "Cool. What's that thing on his belt?"Steven: "Well, that's his sword" (more exited)"He takes his sword and really beats the bad guys up!" (more excited)"When he beats them up, he really beats them up!!!" (really excited now)It occurred to me right then that he was really having fun WITH ME I was having fun WITH HIM.

I realized that I had been "doing fun things" and "spending time with Steven" with Steven. I made a commitment to have more than than. I want to "have fun with Steven" and "be WITH Steven" in a real, close relationship.

Ever since Steven was born, I always told myself I would be a better dad than my dad was to me. I've spent a lot of time watching Steven play instead of playing with him. I almost made the same thing happen with Steven that happened with my dad and me...

Joe